Living in an Ordinary World

I found myself pondering on the idea that I cannot for some reason grasp the idea of an ordinary life. Being an addict has made it very difficult for me to see the joy and beauty of the things around me, without the aid of drugs and/or alcohol. I have always thought of myself as different or special in a way that I can feel wanted for some reason or another. It isn't that I don't have a mass amount of support but in some ways I feel the need to be validated at all times. I have so many questions about why I can't use certain substances like so many people, who just go through a phase and then grow up. Me, not so much. I have to be the one that needs to party, party, and party some more....

Ordinary world, is there such a thing. Am I just allowing myself the excuse to be unproductive and irresponsible, or can I have valid reasons for my unwillingness to go beyond and tackle the fears that I harbour.