Moving Mom

I've been anticipating the day when my mother would have to give up living in the house she is or was for thatmatter living in. For the past ten years or so I have used this space as a refuge whenever I messed up and needed some tender loving motherly affection and care. I knew it was a bad idea cause it was a crutch for me and didn't allow me to grow up and deal with my issues and problems as an adult. Ever since I can remember I have been always co-dependent, although I hate to admit it it is true.

Anyways, this past weekend my mother is moving to a 1 bedroom apartment in a seniors style setting. That means myself or any of my brothers for that matter cannot use her place as a crash pad for convenience anymore. Time to grow up, it's about bloody time anyways, I am in my thirties after all..so really how long was I gonna continue living half assed or willing to let mom save the day over and over again. I am looking forward and eager to move forward with caution but still have a sense of ease. I feel calm, I think this is gonna be a very good chapter for us all. New address for mom, soon I will be tackling that feet myself but trust me I couldn't be happier!

God Grant Me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage tochange the things that I can

And the wisdom to KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

Living in an Ordinary World

I found myself pondering on the idea that I cannot for some reason grasp the idea of an ordinary life. Being an addict has made it very difficult for me to see the joy and beauty of the things around me, without the aid of drugs and/or alcohol. I have always thought of myself as different or special in a way that I can feel wanted for some reason or another. It isn't that I don't have a mass amount of support but in some ways I feel the need to be validated at all times. I have so many questions about why I can't use certain substances like so many people, who just go through a phase and then grow up. Me, not so much. I have to be the one that needs to party, party, and party some more....

Ordinary world, is there such a thing. Am I just allowing myself the excuse to be unproductive and irresponsible, or can I have valid reasons for my unwillingness to go beyond and tackle the fears that I harbour.