Slippery Slope

Going on vacation can be truly cleansing for those of us who have addiction problems. It can also rehash feelings that we would rather not have reappear. The feelings of missing out on a good time can really get the demons in ones mind going. I must confess that I did do some drinking over the course of my vacation. Not once did I have any urges or need to find crack. Crack is my biggest and most feared concern that I have, but does that make it okay for me to use other mind altering substances when I know the dangers that are lurking and waiting for the perfect opportunity to take me down. Am I trying to run my show, the show that I have failed at running so many times before. As a matter of fact when it comes to substances, my life has never been okay. Why is it that I still continue to believe that alcohol is okay. I don't go out and get plastered by any means at all, but what I have learned in rehab has made me quite nervous.

I can't help but not think that I do have a handle on the booze consumption, but others insist an addict is an addict is an addict.....I really don't have much use for any type of mind altering drug or alcohol but it feels good when I can sit and nurse "1" beer over a course of an hour and then leave it at that, and be on my way. I realize the slippery slope I have put myself on, and do not want to sacrifice the things I have achieved in such a short period of time. The next relapse is always worse and and mentally unforgiving! As I sit here I am at ease and feel I have done nothing wrong and I believe it is when the feeling of anger and dissappointment fills every inch of my body, that is the sign that something really needs to change.

Vacations are beautiful, and are called vacations for a reason. Take one when you are ready or it will be a vacation you'd rather soon forget!